the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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