yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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