I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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