Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
