so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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