This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
