last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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