dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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