I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
