Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
