i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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