i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
