i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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