sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
