I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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