4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
