batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
