ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
