I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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