no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
