I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
