Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
