Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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