So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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