hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
