You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
