Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
