is your mom at the bar?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize