I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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