We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
