I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
