Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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