he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
