if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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