is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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