I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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