There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
