I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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