she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
