we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
