I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
