fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
