I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
