It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
