You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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