ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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