Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there is glitter all over my balls
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