I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
