I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
