Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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