He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize