i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
