She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
