I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
