I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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