hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
