Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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