I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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