Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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