he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
