Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
