Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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