Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
