On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
