Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
