i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
