i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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