The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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