My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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