you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
