Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Randomize
